The Heartbreak Kids: Season 2.21
The moment Taylor asked me to be on his podcast, I literally felt a massive blood rush through my veins and my heart beating so fast and loud I could hear it. I panicked and froze for a moment, then the same old familiar thought popped and asked am I good enough to be on it to share my story? I’m just a regular person and I don’t have a good story to tell about me. Then, I remembered to breathe… so I could reply back to him and say, “yes, it’s my honor to be on your podcast.”
So that’s me, to this day, dealing with my public/social anxiety since early days. For those who know me well, being in the public eye and spotlight has never been my best trait. It is a big challenge for me and it took me my whole life to work with fear of embarrassment and disappointment and major self-consciousness that keeps showing up every now and then.
When I first came to yoga in 2001, I had no idea that it would eventually change my life. I knew I was desperate to look for some space, a moment, where I could just be free from my own self-destructions, a place where I didn’t have to worry about anything from the outside that’s effecting me on the inside. So, I kept going back on my mat searching for more quite space on the inside through several different styles of yoga, year after year.
Then, the day I met Taylor in 2015, it felt like the stars were aligned and everything was meant to happen. He was the teacher I had been waiting to meet and guide me to the right direction on my path. I couldn’t ask for a better way when he showed up exactly at the right time and right place where I was, completely ready to be a student of traditional Ashtanga Yoga.
More than ever, my yoga practice has been giving me the stability that I need to ground myself going through all my anxiety and self-consciousness so I can see and appreciate my own self-worth. Doing this podcast for me is more than just telling a story. It’s an opportunity given by Taylor for me to meet face-to-face with my own fear, but not letting it outshine my way being in the spotlight. I’m still a work in progress continuously, but I am much better now than I have ever been because of this Ashtanga Yoga practice. For that, I’m forever grateful for having Taylor as my teacher and for everything and everyone that leads me to this state of my wellbeing today.